RETRO JUNK REVIEW IS BACK!
And there couldn't be a better way to bring RJR back than with a review of absolute SHITE.
And here it is! THE POKEMON 2BA MASTER CD!
1999.
Don't argue with it; there was NEVER a better year to be a Pokemon fan.
Nintendo today couldn't launch a new Pokemon game with the buzz that Pokemon was making EVERY SINGLE WEEK in 1999.
Pokemon. Was. HUGE.
Given as I adored Nintendo from age 4, it made sense that my brain was devoured at age 10 by Pokemon's millenium-turn zeitgeist.
"Gotta catch 'em all" was the truth. You just DID gotta catch 'em all. GOD, it was fun.
I did eventually get all 151 on the Game Boy (eat SHIT rest-of-the-playground! I got Mew and you didn't!).
I had to get ALL the expensive garbage merchandise too. SHUT UP MUM, THAT'S WHAT FANS OF THINGS DO!
I begged her to buy me the friggin' CYCLONE 2 for crying out loud!
Pokemon's simple compulsion of owning more and more of something played SO well into the way kids buy merchandise. Even if you didn't get what Pokemon was, you HAD to own as much Pokemon junk as you could, of EVERY single creature. It was a sign of playground cool.
Thus, Nintendo could slap Pokemon on every imaginable object a kid could want and it would sell by the TRUCKLOAD.
Stickers, dolls, alarm clocks, pencil sharpeners, chewable morphine (probably), the list goes on!
So naturally, they HAD to throw out a Pokemon pop CD!
Money-wise, it made perfect sense to get the Pokemon cartoon's theme on a CD. That song was at the forefront of every brain ensnared by the Pokemon craze. Fans HAD to own a single of it.
(Are singles still a thing in the music world? Don't judge me for asking! I'm OLD.)
But it seems a Pokemon SINGLE wasn't enough. I guess the big music-money was in selling a whole fucking album, so THAT's what the fans were given!
My uncle gave me this CD as a birthday gift. I could tell from his face, he was thinking "I dunno. He likes them Pokey men I guess?"
Did Nintendo know what it was doing selling this CD? Did it serve it's purpose in accentuating Pokemon fandom? Can the other TWELVE tracks prop up the Pokemon theme song? How well does this album sit with other pop albums of the time? LET'S FIND OUT!
First of all, to set the scene...
The chart-toppers from the week that 2BA Master was released: June 23 1999.
2BA Master's songs need to at least hang in there against THESE hits. (yeahnothappeninlol)
At #1, FUCKING VENGABOYS BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM.
At #2, ERMAHGERD MEMORIES, Bring It All Back by S Club 7.
DON'T STOP NEVER GIVE UP HOLD YOUR HEAD HIGH AND REACH THE TOP!
Christ, Pokemon's got some stiff competition. ...Kinda.
Finally, #3, erm... don't remember this song at all, Sometimes by Britney Spears.
These songs DO absolutely nail the vibe of pop songs aimed at kids during Pokemon Gen 1.
So, er... how does 2BA Master compare?
POKEMON THEME
Don't know what to say about this song other than what fans already know.
It is what it is, the Pokemon TV theme.
You own it on a disc. Good purchase. Ten outta ten.
The singer is VERY boy-band sounding. He's got a good voice for over-production.
The vibe is big, punchy and adventurous. Rightfully so. Not many kids-show theme songs intend to instantly bore the listener.
Unless it's the theme song to Ivor The Engine.
This tune IS catchy as fuck, to be honest. I mean, there's a reason fans still know it 20 years later.
The constant singing of PO-KAY-MON sticks with you. Non-fans would taunt fans by singing those three notes like that was somehow mocking.
Er... yeah? That is the song from that cartoon I like? ...Well identified?
As I said on the Pokemon Anime Podcast, the lyrics instantly get you into the story of Pokemon. (Theme discussed at 6:08)
And by buying this CD, you get a SECOND VERSE OF LYRICS. OMG!
Shouldn't have been SO excited by that as a kid.
This is, no question about it, a perfectly serviceable pop song and theme song.
Let's see if the other ELEVEN tracks deserve an existence alongside it.
2BA MASTER
Immediately, that guitar riff IS good. It's popped into my head now and then over 20 years and I barely ever listen to this song, so... good job?
GO!
GO!
Not-Michael-Jackson HOOOO!
Uh-oh.
[Awkward Evil Voice] SO YOU WANT TO BE A POKER MON MASTER HAHAHAHAHA
Well, this song was good while it lasted...
Getting immediate MJ vibes off the first verse. Not that I knew any MJ at age 10...
The lyrics are... kinda the same as the first track.
Gotta be a master, mate. I mean, seriously, be a master like.
As a kid, I would have heard this song and thought "YEAH! COOL FUNKY VIBES!" in those exact words.
Eminem couldn't have happened to me fast enough.
In my defence, even at 10, I thought kids singing the chorus was lame as fuck.
No grown adult looks cool singing with kids. Universal fact.
Oh God. All the children sing na-nah nah nah nahh na-nah nah.
Kill me. I need death.
I dunno, between the rap, the MJ affectation and the Gettin-Jiggy-With-It-Fresh-Prince-Nah-ing, this song just smacks of "white corporate jackoffs trying to make what they think black music is."
And I LIKED this as a child! =(
"Got my badges and my Poke Ball" ...No-one carries just ONE Poke Ball. Fans will point that out. Research this shit better!
ALL the kids who listened to this song at school actually did point out the above.
"Got my buddy Pikachu to help me try to catch 'em all."
Pikachu in the usual place: shoved down your throat.
By the second-verse rap, it's REALLY hitting me how vague and unsubstantial the themes of these lyrics are.
It's like the lyricist just skim-read Pokemon's Wikipedia summary for keywords to repeat. Just mention "evolving, training, Team Rocket and Pokemon TYPES" and you'll be fine! Dumb kids will buy it!
At age 10, after a few listens, me and my friends DID dismiss the lyrics as WAY too general.
We were like "write a song about Staryu knowing Thunderbolt. You know, something that fans ACTUALLY care about!"
"First you gotta know about the different types: Grass Fire Ground Flame Electric Water Rock Flying Ice Normal Bug Ghost Fighting and Dragon. Don't forget about PSYCHIC!"
They forgot Poison and said Fire twice.
Child-me noticed that and was PISSED OFF. It made it obvious that the singers and producers didn't know what these songs were really about, because SOMEONE would have noticed that error!
Child-me was devastated. Adult-me is like "par for the course."
This song DOES match of-the-time pop hits in how painfully over-produced it is, but there's no sophistication to it. It's a garbled mess of youth-oriented pop-production tropes.
Ahh fuck it. POKEMON! YAY!
OH GOD, THE SMOOTH-TALKING VOICEOVER GUY AT THE END. EWW EWW EWW!!
Don't stop the song halfway through so an evil guy can give passing commentary. Let the song be a SONG.
Vincent Price in Thriller is like, the only person in history who got away with THIS kind of song-epilogue voiceover.
He was MEANT to sound evil. THAT song was about spooky shit. This song is a zesty pop track about being a master or something.
Song - "Are you ready to meet and defeat... the Elite...?"
Me - "Four."
Every fucking time I heard this song.
And in a way that totally works and isn't a horrible clash of styles, we go from creepy VO back to the chorus. Ow. My ears hurt.
I want to go back in time and bully myself for liking this song. Not kidding.
If it wasn't for that actually-pretty good guitar hook that opens the song, this song would be total garbage.
Instead, it's garbage that I still remember now-and-then. The worst kind.
VIRIDIAN CITY
Hearing a decent, jolly vibe to start with. Let's er... have fun?
This wouldn't be a bad up-tempo pop song if it wasn't vague crap about Pokemon.
OK, what do we know about Viridian City?
There's a forest. Don't even re-check the name, just say "the forest."
Mention it. Talk about getting Pokemon. IZZA POKEMON SONG.
Annoyingly, I'm compelled to sing along with this song. BIG nostalgia buzz.
At least they made a tune that you can ACTUALLY sing to. Beats most music in Pokemon since like, the Game Boy Advance games.
"Got a badge and the power to play."
Again, like the one ball, if you researched this franchise even SLIGHTLY, you'll know that having one badge AIN'T SHIT.
One badge? The POWER TO PLAY? The fans are like loln00b.
Continuing on the line of "white corporate jackoff music," this song would sound perfect over clips of a rich CEO playing golf in a PR video. Children thought this music was COOL.
Excluding the cartoon's theme, this is, erm, weirdly, the best track on the album. By default more than anything.
WHAT KIND OF POKEMON ARE YOU?
Eight seconds in: NOOOOOOO! I'M DONE WITH THIS SONG!
[Sigh] ...I've gotta listen though. DAMMIT. I have to review this!
Twelve seconds in: NOT DOING MUCH BETTER.
"Share with me your secrets deep inside."
NO!!! LOVE-SONG-ESQUE INNUENDO-LADEN LYRICS ARE NOT APPROPRIATE HERE!!!
Oh God. I heard "Uhh. Yeah."
These producers that clearly haven't listened to hip-hop EVER are going to attempt heavy-set rap.
Gonna binge-listen to Public Enemy when this song is done.
I LIED. SONGS ABOUT THUNDERBOLT FUCKING SUCK.
Or at least they do when these jabroni record producers put them together.
Given where we are now with internet fan songs, tracks like this DON'T compete.
By 0:55, my palm needs to be surgically removed from my face...
They actually tried to say "kick your grass" like A: that's a turn-of-phrase that WORKS, B: fans of Muk will USE this phrase and C: they can nearly say "kick your ass" and get away with it. OOOOH, EDGY.
For the record, children were listening to THIS song at the time as well.
Thoughts evoked by the second verse:
Flareon is a fire type.
Hitmonlee is a fighting type.
Geodude is a rock type.
DEEP.
Turns out it's actually not that hard to write raps about things you know NOTHING about. Watch as I try.
"Deadpool... is red and black. He wears a mask, so watch your back!"
Aw man, Deadpool fans will LOVE this line!
OK, the singing after the second chorus starts with:
"Keep on training so your stronger and faster..."
If the next line ends with "master," I'm fucking DONE.
IT DID. IT FUCKING DID. GOD DAMMIT!
MASTER! GOTTA BE A MASTER! ITS POKEMON!! D'YA GEDDIT?? POKEMON MASTER!!
THIS IS THE FOURTH SONG IN A ROW THAT METIONS/GETS NO THEMATICALLY OR EMOTIONALLY FURTHER THAN "MASTERS!"
THIS ALBUM SAYS NOTHING. THIS ALBUM IS A NOISY PILE OF NOTHING.
Look, I know the name of the CD is 2BA Master, but it's not a Master-themed concept album! It's not Pink Floyd's The Wall! Yes, that album mentions The Wall every damn track, but The Wall at least symbolizes internal and societal alienation, not... er... mastery over toy animals?
Hell, even the cheapest pop songs muster SOME amount more depth than NONE AT ALL. S Club's "Bring It All Back" vaguely mentions individuality and self-ownership. Listeners can find something of slight emotional worth in that, which helps the song be embraced by the masses. Bonus.
OK, these songs don't need to speak to a general audience (though it wouldn't hurt if they could), they JUST need to speak to established Pokemon fans about Pokemon things.
But these songs sound paper-thin even to THOSE fans, YOUR INTENDED TARGET AUDIENCE. And they're CHILDREN!!
All this album does so far is establish that Pokemon fans A: are either stupid and LIKE these songs or B: WON'T EVER buy another Pokemon album (if any future anime theme songs merit a CD release) because they know every track will be mediocre! What kind of business move is that?
In conclusion:
"Yeah. Go Flaeron. Hah. Yeah, that's MY boy."
Don't lie. She's not.
Nine songs left... God help EVERYTHING.
MY BEST FRIEND
Turntable opening in a boy band track? EWW!
I cringe hard today when I hear aspects of pre-90's hip hop culture appropriated by 90's garbage pop.
Kid-me's like "Stop whining, you old cretin!"
This is such a lip sync battle song. It's about friendship, but they mention adventure, danger, darkness, lurking, surprises, battle, all kinds of things that look good when pantomime-gestured mid-song-performance!
Second chorus in... THEY DIDN'T MENTION BEING A MASTER OR *JUST ONE* POKE BALL YET! IT'S AN ACTUAL SONG!
I'm reminded of Pikachu's Jukebox, so the song has evoked fun thoughts of Pokemon without making ANY direct references.
WRITERS, YOU DON'T NEED TO MENTION BADGES AND SHIT.
Here are the Pikachu's Jukebox segments by the way.
They closed episodes of the cartoon with these videos to advertise the CD tracks.
The sad shot of Ash 19 seconds in? In 99, I knew right away that THAT was his league loss being spoiled and was GUTTED.
"Remember when we first met?"
Well, judging by the music, we first met on a tropical island, so... no, I don't remember. Cuz that didn't happen.
Wait, third and fourth chorus... TWO key changes? Isn't that like, illegal in pop music?
By all means, have a key change on a track, kids love that shit in pop, but having two is just trying too hard. And an admission that the first key change wasn't good enough.
This is a standard boy band song on a Pokemon CD.
HEY RECORD COMPANY. THIS SONG WOULD BE BETTER FOR BACKSTREET BOYS OR SOMETHING.
Whatever. Loved this track in 99 and as middle-of-the-road pop songs go, I still think it's decent.
LEAGUES BETTER THAN THE SONG BEFORE, HOLY FUCK.
EVERYTHING CHANGES
We got Michael-Jackson-lite doing a moodier, downbeat song.
I do NOT remember this track. That's what happens when you don't have a Pikachu Jukebox vid.
Another song here without direct Pokemon references. Did the producers just give up on making a Pokemon-themed CD? Maybe they were happier to simply churn out a cookie-cutter pop album and got sick of factoring all this silly, passing-fad* Pokemon BS into their output.
*lol
Ah, screw it. They said "it's evolutionary" in the chorus. Now it's technically a Pokemon song.
So is Loser by Beck. Cuz people lose in Pokemon fights.
And so is Gangsta's Paradise. I mean, duh!
With this song and My Best Friend, the song writers must have being given less explicit and more vague Pokemon themes write about (Evolution? Friendship? ...Etc?).
Obviously it hit them after a while that they couldn't keep writing songs about the type list.
WAIT, WHAT? THREE MINUTES IN- OAK? MISTY? ASH? WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?
Wait... THAT'S how it's a Pokemon song? You added a character soundbite?
Please tell me there's a version of this song without that soundbite so we can get it on the radio without getting LAUGHED AT.
NOW I REMEMBER THIS SONG! I kept skipping it as a kid. FOR A DAMN REASON.
Holy HELL, those goofy-ass voices blowtorching through a song that moodily muses on the nature of change... Such a disaster of tone. SUCH an embarrassing way to implement Pokemon into music. Worst of all-
OAK WASN'T THERE IN THE CARTOON WHEN METAPOD EVOLVED!
THE AUDIENCE OF THIS SONG WILL NOTICE THAT AND COMPLAIN!
KIDS WHO LIKED POKEMON AREN'T STUPID, BUT THEY *WILL* COMPLAIN ABOUT THE NERDY CRAP THEY LIKE! I WAS THERE! I WAS ONE OF THEM! WE ALL THOUGHT THIS CLIP SOUNDED STUPID!
There is only ONE type of customer for this song: kids who like Pokemon, and THIS is not the way to impress them. They can get forgettable pop from other CD's. Make the Pokemon aspect of these songs cool, fun and strong, not cynical, limp and WHY IS OAK'S VOICE IN A POP SONG?
Practically halfway into the CD now. It's clear that these songs don't prop up the headline track, the Pokemon Theme. MAN, that song sounds so good listening back to it!
So it was worth buying the CD to own the Pokemon Theme ...that you hear for free whenever the cartoon starts.
THE TIME HAS COME (PIKACHU'S GOODBYE)
Holy shit... It's THIS song.
Here we fucking go.
Objectively, it's actually the best song on this album by a LONG way. It can't, of course, touch I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing or that song from Titanic, but a kid could recommend this song to their friends and not instantly lose those friends, unlike What Kind Of Pokemon Are You.
The problem with this song, aside from it being a little short, is that it's on a Pokemon CD, and fans will know why it's there.
It's the song from the episode "Pikachu's Goodbye," the cheapest episode of Pokemon in history (...in 1999).
I'll rant in full about Pikachu's Goodbye when I make more Pokemon Anime Podcasts (WHEN, I promise!), but to be blunt, they waste a full episode teasing Pikachu leaving (shortly after Butterfree legit left), then conclude things with Pikachu just... staying around. CHEAP.
The playground was NOT fond of this episode. The repeats would be ignored. It was a twenty-minute tease of an outcome that doesn't happen. Once you've watched it and realised your time's been wasted, why watch it again?
What's worse is that they took an actually-pretty-good farewell song and bolted it to a montage of Ash and Pikachu that MEANT NOTHING because PIKACHU DIDN'T LEAVE.
Fans couldn't un-see that empty montage whenever they listened to this song, so the song got soured for THE ONLY PEOPLE THAT WILL BUY THE SONG!
To be completely fair, the blame here is on the anime producers. The song producers did their job: make decent emotional goodbye track.
It's a shame that this song reminded fans of a total cop-out, because it's really not a bad song at all!
Just imagine if they used it for a REAL departure, like when Brock left in the Pokeball Peril episode. Fans would have WORSHIPPED this song!
POKEMON DANCE MIX
Not much to say here. Outdated dance music with the word "Pokemon" on repeat. Default dance ballad voice. No impact on me at youth. Skipped.
You know the producers are legit giving up when you yourself can't think of a lazier way to make Pokemon pop songs than "Basic beat + say 'Pokemon' a ton."
I guess they could just make track 8 the Pokemon Theme again.
All I remember about this song as a kid is that they used it in all the ads and promo material for the movies.
...So you've got THAT song on CD now? ...Cool?
Second verse: "Searching every day for the answer"
...What answer? ...What's the question?
Song writers, please tie up the loose ends of your stock dance lyrics.
I think they were targeting older kids with this track. Kids of 10 or younger wouldn't have had such an ear for it. It doesn't sound S Club enough.
Nothing wrong with including older kids in your demographic, right?
Well, here's the thing...
When you hit 12, your music tastes REALLY start to kick in. You'll grow out of things like Pokemon CD's and grow into, in my case, Marilyn Manson and NIN.
For a kid of 12's attention, Pokemon Dance Mix would have done LITTLE.
Not saying "make Pokemon Starfuckers," but-
DOUBLE TROUBLE
OK, when did cartoon Giovanni EVER say that he wanted Pikachu?
The gag with Team Rocket, I always thought, was that Giovanni NEVER cared for Pikachu like Jessie and James did.
Why would he? HE OWNS MEWTWO!
OK, this song is in fact PERFECT for Team Rocket though. A ridiculous, cheesy pop song is EXACTLY what their characters would go out of their way to create, so I'm actually REALLY into this song.
I want Team Rocket to enter a wrestling match to this song. Oooo, actually, why don't they add Jessie and James to Smash Bros and have THIS be their song?
LISTEN TO ME! I'M TALKING LIKE A FAN! IT TOOK *NINE* DAMN SONGS BUT I FINALLY FEEL LIKE MY POKEMON FANDOM IS BEING REWARDED!
This track features the least pretentious trope in music: One person sings a verse at the same time as someone else speaks it.
I can only assume that this is a shoutout to Ladytron. ...I can only assume ANYONE would EVER do a shoutout to Ladytron.
Giovanni dropping rhymes with his underlings kinda kills his credibility, but whatever, this song is fun. I mean, you can't take a song where James laughs with frightening similarity to a horse too seriously.
Love when the verse goes "we can cause a riot in Sunday School (oooo, badass)" and James, instead of speaking it, blurts out "OOOOH, A RIOT." So fucking good. This song just GETS IT.
If James' voice actor added that bit completely off the cuff, I will hunt him down and hug him.
Yes, this song is just as much a cheap, unremarkable pop song as the other tracks on this album, but this song has CHARACTER of, well, ANY sort and leans strongly into what fans know/like/hate about the Team Rocket routine, so given it's purpose, it's really a good damn song!
Seems the producers actually GOT Team Rocket. They're baddies, they're full of themselves, they're romantic about their roles as wrongdoers, they're overbearing, camp and utterly delusional, they have an long, iconic motto and they're SLIMEBALLS. What DON'T you have to work with?
Shame that the rest of the album didn't have this kind of personality, or channel the other main characters in as effective a way.
That said, you couldn't write songs THIS entertaining about Ash, Brock or the rest of the bland "good-guy" cast.
VILLAINS ARE MORE FUN THAN HEROES.
TOGETHER FOREVER
Love when the verse goes "we can cause a riot in Sunday School (oooo, badass)" and James, instead of speaking it, blurts out "OOOOH, A RIOT." So fucking good. This song just GETS IT.
If James' voice actor added that bit completely off the cuff, I will hunt him down and hug him.
Yes, this song is just as much a cheap, unremarkable pop song as the other tracks on this album, but this song has CHARACTER of, well, ANY sort and leans strongly into what fans know/like/hate about the Team Rocket routine, so given it's purpose, it's really a good damn song!
Seems the producers actually GOT Team Rocket. They're baddies, they're full of themselves, they're romantic about their roles as wrongdoers, they're overbearing, camp and utterly delusional, they have an long, iconic motto and they're SLIMEBALLS. What DON'T you have to work with?
Shame that the rest of the album didn't have this kind of personality, or channel the other main characters in as effective a way.
That said, you couldn't write songs THIS entertaining about Ash, Brock or the rest of the bland "good-guy" cast.
VILLAINS ARE MORE FUN THAN HEROES.
TOGETHER FOREVER
Back to boy band territory this time.
I Want It That Way. It's practically the same chords.
Again, no mention of Poke Balls, badges, types, evolution, etc. It's another song from some other pop album on a Pokemon CD.
Would hate to be the writers if this song was intended for a MAJOR pop act, but their record company stuck it in this dumb pokey men product instead.
"Together forever, now matter how long, from now until the end of time."
Remember this when we spend a whole show thinking we're gonna say goodbye, but then not really.
Above butthurtedness aside, I DO like this song. As pop cheese goes, this song is strong, and sometimes you need strong pop cheese.
In all honesty, if this song doesn't end up in Detective Pikachu, fuck that film.
AAAHHH NOOOO!! SPOKE TOO SOON! THE SOUNDBITES ARE BACK!!
My Best Friend didn't need any soundbites! Why did THIS song need one?
Oh, we just HAD to mention Misty's bike. Imagine this song if Misty's bike isn't mentioned.
I AM!! IT'S A BETTER SONG!!
Even as kids, me and my friends knew that these soundbites just got in the way. They were unnecessary and such an obvious, laughable attempt to staple POKAYMUN in big ugly letters onto the song. Believe it or not, record industry, kids DO have intelligence that can be insulted.
All kids knew that Ash and Pikachu were friends, the Pokemon cartoon was friend-themed, Nintendo wanted to promote Pokemon as kid's best friends, etc. A song about friendship with NO Pokemon references OR SOUNDBITES would have been understood as a Pokemon song on a POKEMON ALBUM.
MISTY'S SONG
The new standard: We're OPENING with a soundbite.
Screw my prior soundbite rant. The producers aren't listening. ...From here, in the future.
So... why is a cartoon mouse singing this song? Why not Misty? It's her song!
American Tail? Somewhere Out There? First thing I imagined when I heard these vocals.
If you don't know that film, DON'T EVER KNOW IT, it's rubbish.
So this song that's clearly written for a Hilary Duff-esque pop "star" is supposed to play into Misty having feelings for Ash.
Fun fact: the whole Misty-Ash senpai thing is an American creation. In Japan, the cartoon writers never wanted fans to think that Misty wanted Ash!
The playground boys that were pawns in the game of male-demographic-corporate-brainwashing HATED this song because it was soppy tripe.
I liked it as a kid and got shot down for it, and I liked it because I shipped Ash and Misty HARD.
Well done, America! The song worked on me!
GUTTED as a kid that Misty herself didn't sing. I fancied Misty like mad and in musicals, if I ever fancied a character, I would MELT when they sang.
Didn't fancy Jessie, but had to settle for her singing (check the album notes, kid-me. Misty and Jessie are the same actress).
Didn't know until adulthood that Rachel Lillis DOES sing as Misty on a CD called "Pokemon Christmas Bash."
(I'm NOT reviewing it. It wasn't my childhood, but more importantly it SUUUUCKS.)
Misty's Song is at least consistent. The soundbites were sensibly used this time and we already get that this is "Misty's Song" from the title, so we don't need to shovel clunky Pokemon references in there, the song speaks for itself.
Somewhere in this mess of a CD IS a capable pop album, but even if every track was a classic, they never made music videos for these songs during the peak of the Pokemon craze, at least not in the UK. This song was perfect for a video. Why stop at just selling the album?
Nintendo and 4Kids REALLY could have gone all in on getting kids shipping Ash and Misty with a video to this song. They would have attracted SO MANY new fans via the pre-teen-love-song-demographic.
Strike while the iron is hot! Your fans won't care THIS much about Ash and May!
As an adult, I'm fine with an affectionate song by Misty for Ash, but I'm not sure about naming it "Misty's Song." It gives the suggestion of "this is her entire character. She secretly likes Ash. ...Nothing else to see here."
There's WAY more to Misty than that. Watch the show.
If this TRULY is *Misty's Song,* mention her aspirations as a Water Pokemon trainer, her love for water creatures, her awkward family, her desire to prove herself, her lifelong grudges that she holds against boys who wreck her bike, etc. You know? Make "Misty's Song!"
"[Yawn] Did you say something, Misty?"
No Ash, I didn't sing a Disney song while you were blatantly still awake with your eyes shut.
POKERAP
It's the PokeRap.
...The other song you all know from the show.
...You own it on CD now. ...Good for you.
...Moving on-
I'm just gonna be lazy and tell you to listen to Pokemon Anime Podcast #1. I already said everything that needs to be said about this track.
PokeRap is at 1:03:33
By and large, the PokeRap was the only other song besides the theme that people cared about owning on CD.
BY THE WAY, WHAT KIND OF POKEMON ARE YOU, *THIS* IS HOW YOU RAP ABOUT POKEMON! JUST USE ALL THE NAMES! BOOM!
This should have been the last track. End on a strong note.
YOU CAN DO IT IF YOU REALLY TRY
Mercifully, we're at the last goddamn track.
It better hurry the hell up and end.
It's just some other pop song. No more remarkable than Misty's Song or Everything Changes.
As a kid, I got annoyed halfway through this song. I could tell that there would be nothing for Pokemon fans to care about in the remaining lyrics, so the album would end on a flat note.
"Ever since you were a young man-"
MAN? WHAT GENDER-EXCLUDING BULLSHIT IS THIS?
Also, what age am I, the just-male listener, if I was ONCE a young man? KIDS OF TWELVE get called "young man!"
I'm getting a headache. Why even ask who's writing this shit? I don't care anymore.
Someone who's really into this kind of music who doesn't know what Pokemon is may probably like this, but I don't care. Not as an adult and didn't as a kid. This song just isn't interesting.
Fades out on the second chorus. Fuck it, we're done. Everyone go home.
FULL ALBUM VERDICT
Wow, it's amazing how your childhood can be defined by such blatant works of commercial constipation.
This CD was, at best, a confused spatter of utility-grade pop with Pokemon references flung in at points.
For non-fans, little of appeal, for fans, a limp missing of the mark.
Things that worked and were objectively good then and now:
The Pokemon Theme and PokeRap were... there, Team Rocket's song, some decent pop hidden among the clutter.
Things that didn't work and objectively SUCK then and now?
Soundbites, scant substance, any mention of Pokemon.
Even in the most musically-capable hands, the game Pokemon doesn't directly gel with pop music. Indirectly, it can evoke songs of friendship, devotion, adventure and love, but for a young, dismissive target audience, these songs MUSN'T underwhelm against the best in the charts.
The pop album was a new medium for Pokemon to reach kids through, but there was nothing here of worth enough to convince those kids that Pokemon was for them, and not just for those already swept up in the craze. Ultimately, pre-established fans are the only audience for this CD.
As HUGE as that number of fans was, it still had a cut-off point. Fans will buy the CD, dollars will FLY in initially, fans will tire of the CD if it's poor, dollars will dry up along with latecomer-buyers and interest among the masses. Poor + fan-only = limited shelf life.
I couldn't tell you what this album needed to do to be A: a better pop album, B: a wider-reaching album, C: a more satisfying fan experience or D: an album that lasts longer on the shelf, but it clearly wasn't ANY of these, so the idea of young me CRAVING it isn't a fun one!
But whatever. Screw my opinion. Pokemon 2BA Master sold over three million copies worldwide over two years. Clearly, this album made all the money it aimed to make and THEN some!
Also, Britney Spears' 99 debut album sold ten million copies in just the US in under a year.
...Oh.
Now to ask the question I always ask when I close out a RetroJunkReview:
Knowing what I know now, does adult-me approve of kid-me liking Pokemon 2BA Master?
Well... ignoring the fact that I KNOW I grew up OK in the end and my Pokemon fandom never adversely affected me...
I wouldn't avoid this CD, but I'm not wild about it either.
90's pop trash was an unavoidable thing. It wasted money, but was ultimately harmless. If I didn't want a Pokemon CD for my birthday, I would have wanted some other crap I heard on CITV. Nothing SO troubling about that.
The Pokemon franchise at large came with bigger things to worry about that what was on this CD. Even if you stay a Pokemon fan for life, this CD is designed to be grown-out-of. If as an adult you still find nothing objectively wrong with this CD, that's on you, not the franchise.
Gonna go play Game Boy Pokemon and remind myself what the ACTUAL music of Pokemon is.
Can't wait to catch a Muk. He kicks grass.
